Dear Reality

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What is your reality?

Perception

Everything is strange, am i right? Life is strange, love is strange and people are strange, but by accepting this is to live in peace, to make a truce with your own reality.

Oh yeah, by the way, I’m Kübra, I should probably introduce myself before writing deep, smushy crap. I can almost feel the eye rolls, give me a break alright, I’m an English Literature and Creative Writing student, cringey shit is all i have.

All jokes aside though I hope you all enjoy my blog, it is fundamentally a lifestyle blog, meaning it can be pretty much anything, as I don’t want to put my content in a box. I want you all to feel like you can relate to what I have to say and most importantly be able to engage with my words, and of course feel free to get in contact and leave any and/or comments below.

So, going back to the stuff you guys gagged on at the beginning, I hate to break it to you (well actually that’s a lie, I love it) it is going to be the basis for my first official blog post topic. I just wanted to grab your attention, and now I’m going to let it fester; I want YOU to think about what your reality means to you. Is it daunting? Scary? Exciting? And why is this?

I know what you’re thinking, creative writing student, bullshit clichés, bet you’re thinking you could have put money on it. But honestly, this past couple of years I have done some serious thinking and I have come to a few conclusions I would like to share with you all.

Bear with me and read carefully…

“No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality.”
Shirley Jackson, The Haunting of Hill House

Inititally, I thought you cannot rebuke this, I think we can all admit to a tinge of insanity. However, I’m beginning to think that ‘reality’ is somewhat flexible, it can seem elusive, but it’s YOURS, it’s what YOU make it. Sane, insane, its a ‘fugazi, fugazi. It’s a wazy, it’s a woozie. It’s fairy dust’. Live your idealised reality and own it. (puke)

Going off on a tangent here, but do you ever think of something and secretly congratulate yourself, thinking go me and then find out someone famous has already thought of it… you know where I’m going with this.

“Nothing ever becomes real ’til it is experienced.”
John Keats

Good ol’ John Keats, great minds think alike and all that, haha. But, seriously, all of your scary versions of reality can be altered, it’s not real until it happens, so make your expriences good ones! And well if Keats said it… then need I say anymore?

I hope you have all enjoyed my first blog, and stay tuned for more to come…

With love KX

It’s a lockdown life

Well, here is to the strange times we live in. If anyone does know what the hell is going on at the minute, let me know. I started the year (like many of us do) with ambitions of a summer filled with sun, holidays, alcohol and friends, it seems 2020 had other plans for us.

2020 is the year that America faced the highest rates of gun violence in seven years. It is the year that Britain finally withdrew from the European Union (hmm). It is the year the whole world was faced with a global pandemic, the year when everything was put on hold. The year that we stood together for the Black Lives Movement protesting for equality. 2020 is the year that will change everything, a year we will never forget.

I think it is important that we identify with the negative impact 2020 has had on all of us, and remember that the points above are only a few amongst many more. With that being said, there is an abundance of wonderful moments that lockdown has given us:

Army veteran Captain Tom Moore raised over 13 million for the NHS walking the lengths of his back garden.
Reduced carbon emissions.
Community spirit has been on an all time high.
Appreciating the little things.
Taking time out with nature.
Quality time with family.
Finding a hobby. Reading, writing, drawing, running?
Attempting to improve on cocktail making (maybe just me)

And many, many more!

Remember that not everyday will be a good day. There will be days when you wake up in a slump and days when you wake up with vigour, take advantage of both and do not feel guilty for it.

Just on a quick end note, the links I have left below are to information about the Black Lives matter movement and how you can help.

For those who are interested in reading a bit more see the texts I have listed below:

Toni Morrison – Beloved
Toni Morrison – Paradise
Toni Morrison – The Bluest Eye
Zora Neal Hurston – Their Eyes Were Watching God
Light in August – William Faulkner
Richard Wright – Native Son
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou
Alice Walker – The Colour Purple

Until next time,

Reflection

My hands have been practically itching after the day I’ve had at uni and after time to reflect it seems to be totally in keeping with the current tone of my blogs. It is true when people say that literature is all around us and at this moment in time I am engulfed in a pool of dystopian madness.

For all you not so literature nerds you’re in fact about to zone out. However, for all you tuned in and interested people… hi. Aldous Huxley seems to have opened some weird portal in my mind to this state of complete realisation. Although the idea of a Utopian or Dystopian world may look different on paper, time and research has allowed me to realise how uncomfortably close they are. Dystopian being a ‘bad’ imaginative society and Utopian ‘good’ to me, only equal one another. It’s as if hoping for a perfect, completed and Utopian world only backfires into what we deem Dystopian.

For most people, an extreme dystopian novel such as Brave New World seems so out of reach for our society, but is it? Let’s class dystopia and utopia as objective terms and settle that the idea of a perfect world/imperfect world is completely down to perspective, preference, however you want to put it. With regard to Brave New World, they only know the life they live and little experience even the opportunity to encounter any different. In their eyes, their society is Utopian, it is happiness, it is bliss, but to us, the ‘outsiders’ we label it dystopian. Reflect.

From birth they’re conditioned, pre-destined to be merely cogs in maintaining societies mass consumerism, their universal happiness. Individuality is to be sacrificed for the good of society. Perhaps this is a little closer to home than we may think?

Social media…

A different stance, I know, but admittedly at one point we have sacrificed a slice of our individuality in hope to fit in on social media, with fashion brands and to accomplish an ‘ideal’ lifestyle, but at what cost? I think this is a really important concept that everyone should take at least five minutes with.

Something reached out to me today, it grabbed me.

“I say to you: one must still have chaos within, in order to give birth to a dancing star. […] Alas! The time will come when the human will give birth to no more stars. Alas! There will come the time of the most despicable human, who is no longer able to despise itself.”

Nietzsche never disappoints and reverting back to my previous blogs, you need chaos, you need bad days, you need unhappiness. If Nietzsche says that it’s okay to wake up and despise yourself then it’s okay. Make room for improvement, yearn for happiness and society will be filled with stars just like you.

Until next time,

The meaning of happiness

What is happiness? What does it mean to you?

Reading Brave New World has left my brain boggled, its intensity has altered my thoughts, my outlook if you will. It has put into question; the meaning of happiness. Happiness is no doubt a (subjective) feeling that everyone hopes for, however, the ache for happiness can very commonly lead to the opposite, unhappiness. Aldous Huxley’s writing has led me to believe that universal happiness is gained through sacrifice and in their terms the sacrifice ‘high art’ such as Shakespeare etc. Nonetheless, it is admitted that “happiness is never grand” insinuating that is never as it seems. In terms of Brave New World, sacrifice for universal happiness is “what keeps the wheels steadily turning”.

But.. back to reality. We are not living in the Brave New World (just yet…) and this ‘type’ of happiness does not apply to us. However, the theory so to say is totally applicable. Translated; sacrificing/accepting that you’re not always going to be happy with every aspect of your life, IS happiness in itself. You don’t need to hope for happiness or overthink it, just be you and let your life run its course. Having your own ‘theories’ (like these, shall we call it) are forever eminent, return to them, implement them directly into real-life situations, with confidence that it will provide you veritable support and reasoning.

Not only that, but the realisation that your happiness is subjective to you, you know what makes you happy so have trust in that, don’t go against what your gut tells you. Ignore what makes your friends happy and take some time to learn about yourself and if something causes you unhappiness then change it, remember it and move on.

Happiness is fleeting. This is important to remember. Sometimes it will feel short-lived and that is OK. Normality does not bring a lifetime of complete and utter bliss; we are all on a road full of (shi**y) potholes. However, one day you might hit one, fart and laugh, and all will return to your weird and wonderful state of happiness, of ecstasy, of absolute joy.

With love and happiness,

Take a break

Remember that taking a break can lead to breakthroughs. Just take it, take the break that your mind, body and soul ache for. There is certainly no shame in accepting that you’re tired. We are all human. This is can be a break from absolutely ANYTHING.

Over my exam period earlier on in the year I took a break from social media; this was ultimately to concentrate, however, I realised after taking a step back how toxic it really can be. I found myself (don’t we all) scrolling incessantly for no reason. I told myself it was time to walk away. Since returning I have so easily slipped back into this ridiculous habit (which I hate) and I’m soon ready to leave it behind again.

I can’t deny that it was helpful to me over the summer, sharing my summer business and blog via social media has certainly come in handy to me. For me, I cling onto social media to feel connected to other people when I admittedly isolate myself (which I shouldn’t do, but ah life goes on).

A lot of people confess to social media being at the root of certain insecurities and can be detrimental to their mental health. I cannot stress enough how cleansed and free you’ll feel after removing yourself from the online world. Detoxed from the absolute bull**** that people air on their accounts. You’ll have free time to complete things that you actually need to do. Read a book, take your dog on a walk, hang with friends, connect with your family. Cherish what you have around you that is REAL and love every minute of it.

Take some time to work on yourself and focus on something that gives you something back. As cringe as this is, it’s really really important to admit to how you feel because then you can begin to adapt and overcome.

Love everything and work hard.

Living at your own pace

There are no laws to life, regardless of age, if you’re happy with the pace of your life then please I beg of you, ignore conventional expectations. I’ve seen quite a few posts stating the confusion with respects to whether you’re up to speed (shall we call it) with your life. Have you had a baby yet? Are you thinking of marriage? Do you have savings? When are you moving out? A lot of people have ideals of what age you should be ticking these of your life list; it’s wrong and it isn’t spoken about enough.

It is undoubtedly an old-fashioned belief that you should get married, have a baby and settle down (quite) young. However, it’s not a rule or a law to abide by. There are no rules to life, don’t have a baby young or do, don’t get married at all if you don’t want to. In the twenty-first century we should all accept that life is free flowing, we don’t have to do these things to feel as if we have completed life.

Very recently, a doctor (and a lady one) said something quite surprising. During my appointment she made the comment ‘and your body clock is ticking’. I mean….what is this absurd notion that women have to have babies to feel whole? I am in no way disclaiming I want children; however, I am twenty-one.

It does NOT matter how old you are, or what your friends are doing, or what your family think you SHOULD be doing, you do you. Your twenties may feel a tad bewildering, it seems someone you know is getting married or having a baby and there is you getting drunk and talking to a chair. It doesn’t matter. Live your life at your pace, everything will happen at its right time, just believe in it.

Live by your own rules and smash life, forget your age and live in the moment.

It’s all love,

In-between

Anyone else feeling extremely strange at the minute, or is it just me?

It’s that time of year when you don’t know whether you’re coming or going, is it summer? Is it autumn? Is it winter? You never know with England. Your unconscious is currently singing Christmas songs and then telling itself to f*** off. Blasphemy you say, well according to QD the Christmas period starts before Halloween at the end of August….

But let’s rewind. Firstly, we have Friday 13^th with a rare harvest moon and apparently we haven’t had one since 2000 and won’t have another until 2049.. and if your shit at maths I’ll save you the struggle, it equals rare. It also means, some of us feel like absolute crap and lack the ability to function.

Oh and men get hormonal too (is that a scoff I hear). I mean obviously, this could be utter lunacy. However, I have read in several places that men AS WELL as women are affected by the 28-day lunar cycle; which has been proven by numerous studies. To put it briefly, men get periods. Some of you be like DUUUHHHH, but if your boyfriends are acting strange… keep check of their hair growth.

I’m ready to wear jumpers, I’ll admit but the getting up and getting home in the dark is just something I cannot get on board with. What a cheery blog. You better believe that this week I’m gunna blame everything on this full moon, but I better not be stepping on any plugs on Friday 13^th.

Bit of a random post, I know. I’ve been super quiet with everyone due to dealing with a few things which I’m still admittedly in the process of. I’ve got a new part time job on the side of university which will have put my money mind at ease when pay day drops (itchy hands).

I’ll tell you what I am ready for and that’s Halloween bitches, let’s get spooky.

Peace,

Choosing the right path

I hate to break it to you but i cannot help you choose the right path within a blog, however, if I could I would. I want to share my educational/career path experience in the hope that it may encourage you to discover the right choice for you.

I studied English Literature, Psychology and Dance at A- Level and thoroughly enjoyed each one (stressful as hell and at times kinda made me want to curl up in a ball and die but all the while rewarding). I had always loved dance and is something that has been a good friend to me over the years. So, after college, I decided to apply to study dance at university, I went on several auditions and absolutely fell in love with Roehampton university. For those of you who are currently visiting universities with intent to apply, it is true what they say, you’ll know when you’ve found the right university, it will just click with you.

Sadly, due to personal reasons I left Roehampton after my first year. No, writing this blog is not an excuse to slate my previous uni, I extremely emnjoyed my time at Roehampton. I made friends for life all whilee living on a beautiful campus which soon felt like home; we were a family. I still think of the wonderful memories that I have taken away from my experience there.

I came back to my home town (which is nothing compared to the big city). I’ll be honest, I felt extremely low and guilty, I felt like I had failed my family and most of all myself.

But, let me tell you, after a very weird year, where I experienced some unfortunate shit (we’ve all been there), it hit me, I had some sort of epiphany, I felt ready to carry on with education. At this point, I want to take just a few words just to say how thankful I am for education that I have and have had, learning new things empowers me everyday and makes me who I am (swallow your sick guys)

I decided to go back to Essex university to study English Literature and Creative writing, (which lead me onto writing this blog, so thank your lucky stars😉) where i have just finished my first year. I wouldn’t say that going to Roehampton was a mistake, I certainly don’t regret it, I just wish someone had told me what I am about to tell you.

The social pressure to go to university

Go to university if it is what you want to do. Don’t go because your family want you to, or because everyone else is doing it, do it for you, and if you don’t want to go that’s ok too! Also, don’t feel pressured to go straight after you finish your A- Levels, take a gap year if it’s what you need and definitley do not feel guilty about it. You’re 18 and have just finished sixth form/college, time is on your side, there is no rush.

Choosing a subject

If you do decide to go to university, choose something you adore, choose a passion, choose a subject that makes getting up in the morning just that little bit easier. A specific note to all you art lovers; dance, drama, art, music, IGNORE the shitty stigma, choose the subject you want and make it work for you, give it your all. I struggled to keep some of my family on board with the whole dance degree, and it did have an impact on me.

Keep in mind that you’re the one attending lecturs and seminars, not them, this is your life. Don’t choose a subject just because your right-wing grandparents don’t approve, you will NOT I repeat, NOT feel happy with your degree or in yourself. Studying for a degree is an amazing opportunity, you should all relish in a subject that you love.

It was strange to think that had I stayed on at Roehampton, I would have graduated this summer; if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a single thing. I felt so happy to see them all graduate and I am happy knowing that I am now doing something that is right for me. Everything truly happens for a reason.

I love education, I love learning and I love where I am right now. My career paths seems so clear me (but I am still open to the possibility of change). Stay open minded, go with what feels right for you and all will fall into place eventually. Whether it’s wrong, whether it’s right, whatever the situation it’s experience, it’s life.

You have a lifetime ahead of you, absorb it all and cherish every moment, every memory and love what you know.

With love, KX

Living with a loved one’s depression

Don’t let mental health issues sabotage a chance at making a relationship work, whether that be a partner, friend, family member etc. To anyone who is currently carrying the weight of someone elses depression, I salute you. If you feel as if you’re struggling, read on…

The three steps

When you can, always refer to these three steps;

Identify
Understand
Overcome

Identify

Recognising their red flags is the first step, identify with changes in their usual behaviour. This may include; loss of interest in things that usually spark excitement, general sadness, intense irritability, impulsiveness, sudden withdrawal from friends/family and indecisive. It is crucial to look for physical symptoms too, such as, low sex drive, change in appetite (including significant weight gain/loss), aches and pains and extreme lack of energy. Just to point out that these are only examples of symptoms, if you’re interested in finding out more head over to – https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/clinical-depression/

Understand & Overcome

First of all, please be aware that more often than not depression is an episodic illness. This means that someone who suffers with depression will have good days and they will also have bad days. Always look to the positive, however, always remember that just because they have a good day does not mean that depression has magically disappeared (but we can all wish, am I right?)

Be understanding, take time to listen to them and be their safe place, their home.

Reassurance is very very important. It is likely that someone with depression will often doubt themselves due to low self-esteem, they will feel as if they’re not good enough. Tell them that they’re enough, they’re more than enough, empower them, celebrate their beautiful soul. Tell them everyday.

Words are powerful

Don’t try to trivialise your partners feelings. Avoid questions such as, ‘what do you have to be depressed about?’ and ‘cheer up’, ‘you aren’t depressed you’re just sad’. Words are powerful and a lot of time aren’t forgotten, so think before you speak and this goes for any situation.

At this point you’re probably feeling cornered and beginning to wonder what can you say when you’re constantly treading on egg shells? Your job is a difficult one and so is depression, but hopefully in boosting your loved one, your relationship will follow in its footsteps. I hope that this blog will guide you both onto the road to your recovery, together, as one.

Your mental health

Remembering that your mental health is so so so important, I cannot stress this enough. If you forget this you can easily slip into your own depression. This is difficult to overcome alone, as at times your partner can seem vacant. Relieve the pressure, do not attempt to do it alone. Open up to your family/friends, people that you can trust. Do not isolate yourself and attempt to tackle the stigma solo, create a circle of support for both you and your partner. With that being said, dont internalise your own feelings, or just talk to other people in fear that your loved one won’t be able to cope, communication between the both of you is really important.

Stick to doing activites together that you know you both enjoy (this will be subjective to your relationship with the person). However, walking is always good, exercise is proven to boost your mood whether you have depression or not. It doesn’t have to be anything too strenuous, just a brisk walk in a location that you both appreciate; be amongst nature, let it engulf you and take a breath of fresh air.

Do not take your loved one’s depression personally. This is an important one, they are not in a bad mood, being rude, or aggresive, they’re unwell. I know this can be really tough, but look to the future and remind them that you’re there every step of the way, sooth them, be their comfort bubble.

As I have said previously, for those who battle with depression experience extreme fatique, meaning that even what you may consider the smallest of tasks feels like climbing a mountain to them. Take these small steps together, build a new foundation.

A healthy home environment

If you’re living together, create a healthy living environment. Be their encouragement, tackle this together, as a team. Focus on smaller goals to reach your larger one. Eat healthily, concentrate on making your living situation as stress free as possible together, arguments will not help.

Medical advice

This can be a sore subject, however, encouraging your partner to book a doctors appointment and join them for moral support where you can both talk to someone who truly knows the ins and outs of depression will be nothing but beneficial to your situation; seek advice and use it to your advantage.

Supporting eachother, being kind, loving, is what keeps us all alive. Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings. Own your depression, do NOT let it own you. You’ve got this. You’ve all got this.

With love,

A note to your mental health

Brace yourself. Instagram polls, I’ve said it again, I know. Over the past couple of days I have asked a series of questions in terms of mental health which honestly saddened me. I’m not exactly shocked at how many people struggle with their mental health, but I am disgruntled by the lack of strategies, help and support we are given. I am at a complete loss with the unrecognition of mental health issues.

This blog is my recognition, my support, I want to write all that I know. Due to mental health issues, 79% of you reported struggling to get out of bed in the morning, 96% of you find socialising an effort, 78% struggle to maintain relationships and 89% of said that you often doubt yourself. Of course I am aware that this does not relate to everyone and is only based upon a few of my instagram followers.

Right, before I begin I just want to say live your best life, whatever it entails, seriously even if you do go wrong or a self doubt comes true, everybody makes mistakes (and no this is not an excuse to be a bastard) but don’t feel guilty, don’t doubt yourself. Instead, think about how you can overcome this, how can you use your setbacks to grow?

Self doubt

When you feel that little voice of self doubt creeping in, relate back to your past, think back to a time when you doubted yourself and recall whether you achieved what you doubted. Most of the time you will find that you did!

Talk to people. I cannot stress this enough, communication is highly important. Again, who you surround youself with is key. Everyone sees things from a different perspective and this can be helpful and reassurance is always comforting. Not only this but, hearing yourself say it out loud can help you see it from a different angle, does it sound feasible? Or is it just the crazy doubt monster spieling you a load of crap? I think the latter…

Celebrate your achievements, even the ones you may think are tiny tiny next to nothing ones, every achievement whether big or small gets you a step closer to achieving your larger scale goal. It doesn’t matter what is it, indulge, celebrate, enjoy.

Just a quick note, judgement of others is in fact unfair and always remember that you well and truly never know the full extent of what someone is going through however well you think you may know them, so always be kind and hope for the same in return.

Getting up in the morning

This is a hard one… as I’m sure you all well know. I mean, especially in the winter, when that alarm goes off and its dark outside I’m like what the….. But I’m not necessarily just talking about this, if you struggle to get up in the morning due to mental health here’s what you could try:

As soon as you wake up I want you to think of one thing which makes you happy, a reason to why you get up. What’s your motivation? (cringe all you want, but just give it a try)
I know it is really really hard, but do not snooze!!! Studies have shown that by snoozing your alarm you actually make it harder for yourself to get up, in comparison to just gettting up the first tinme (dw not judging here, I’m a sucker for a snooze)
Have a routine
Don’t eat too late

And if all else fails, set your alarm and put your phone where you can’t directly reach it hahaha, you’ve got to laugh otherwise you just cry (fml)

Socialising and relationships

Having people that understand your situtation is always helpful and I’ve said in my previous post, always remember to take a break and have some time out. It’s ok not to be ok. Never force yourself to socialise as this could make you feel worse.

If you find yourself not wanting to directly socialise with people and don’t mind your own company out in public, pack your bag and find a little coffee shop, that way you’re surrounded by chatter and white noise; indirect socialising gets you up and out and in a new environment.

When you do feel up to socialising go out and spread your wings! Meet new people, try new things, and when you next feel not so up to it, take a break get under your duvet and have a movie day (this is SO SO SO ok) but always remember to think about the times when you had fun socialising, surround socialising with positive connotations.

I hope this has been helpful for you today guys. I’ll just leave you with one question, if you could leave your mental health a quick note, what would it say?⬇️

With love, KX

A never ending road to recovery

So, back to reality and prepare for a bit of a lengthy read (sorry not sorry). Honestly, I can say that I have had my fair share of strange years, especially the past couple of years facing up to my own reality; which is something that I found and still find difficult.

Of course I am referencing back to my instagram polling again, but it has been really interesting to see how many of us are in a similar boat. There is no denying that nowadays there are so many factors effecting our mental health, social media being a BIG one (the irony of telling you this over a blog is real fml).

Many of you have confirmed that you are not happy with your life and/or struggle with your mental health, alongside not having strategies to overcome or cope with this. Oh and by the way my research will ALWAYS stay confidential, so please don’t ever feel anxious to answer my questions.

As hard as it is to say, your road to recovery (whatever the cause) is never ending. Your mind, body and soul is always going to need nurture, love, and attention. I know that coping mechanisms are subjective, but here are just a few of mine which have quite honestly been a life saver.

Find an outlet

Prepare for some major cringe gagging guys🤣

Find an outlet!! Could even start your own blog (no finger pointing please haha). But, here are a few outlets people have found useful.

The gym or any form of exercise
Reading/writing
Taking a walk, be at one with nature, clear your head
Drawing
Therapy (have a rant)

Right, apologies in advance for this mum advice but some of you have said that drugs/alcohol is a big outlet for you and coping mechanism. Please, please look after yourselves, these moments you feel ‘ok’ they’re fleeting and are NOT long term. By considering some long term strategies, it will enable you to genuinley enjoy yourself when drinking etc.

Surround yourself with positivity

It really is true (trust me) surround yourself with people who are positive, light and who make you feel good about yourself, as it really does reflect in your own behaviour. Whoever needs to hear this, let go of toxic people, friends, partners and even FAMILY, I’m not here for it, and none of you are either.

Routine

Having a routine has always been really important to me, getting up in the morning, getting washed and dressed can be A LOT of effort. I am in no ways a morning person and i need a good hour before conversation (if you know you know). However, I really like to take the morning in. My routine always changes, subject to my plans, whether I am at uni or not, but generally it always begins the same for me, which is key to how I feel for the rest of the day.

Time out

Remember to take time out, if you aren’t feeling up to something it is really important to recognise your own red flags. Again, referring back to who you surround yourself with, having someone who understands your behaviour can sometimes be crucial; they will know when you’re isolating yourself too much instead of just simply taking time out. Remember to not feel guilty for putting yourself first, sometimes being a little selfish can be good for the soul.

Nature

Nature is a big one for me, something that I know isn’t for everyone. Personally, I feel more calm when I walk and take everything in, seeing nature, animals, the sky, the sun are all things which I live for, it really puts everything into perspective for me.

It doesn’t get better than the nature that surrounds us. The sun, the sea, the trees and animals. Nature really is fruit for the mind and the soul.

Hope you enjoyed this cringeball of a post.

Peace, KX